Editorial Report Numba Two

In this post, much like me previous post, I will be comparing a section of my rough cut draft and a section of my completed/edited draft. I've hit a lot of speed bumps in this project so my rough cut almost doesn't represent my final copy at all (which is good 'cause my rough cut was not good enough)! I hope that the work I've committed to this projects is conveyed through these posts.

Author Response:

Rough Cut Excerpt:

Another writing form that is used by studio artists is journaling. Journaling, unlike most other genres is not something that is made for public consumption. Much like diary entries journaling allows for artists to get their thoughts and ideas out on paper so they may be able to develop their thoughts into more interesting and complete ideas or even just remember what they were thinking the day before. Krause says that she journals just for herself. She writes notes, memos, and stories that keep her engaged and thinking about her topic. Krause writes in her sketchbook and does not post the sketchbook pages online, they are just for her. Famous artists from the past have also been known to journal. Van Gogh, a very famous French impressionist painter from the late 18oo’s, is now famous for his journal entries. Upon his death in 1890 the artists family and friends claimed his belongings including his journals, since then museums and galleries have coveted the writings as they give a glimpse into the way his mind works. The artist wrote notes to himself when starting new pieces, wrote poems of inspiration, sketched smaller versions of his large paintings and denoted his actions and thoughts as he painted. This form of writing, according to Ms. Krause, is “the most important form of writing an artist can discover”. Ms. Krause also said that “journaling allows me to calm my mind and collect my thoughts, without writing things down I would be lost and I wouldn’t be able to complete my works”. Journaling is a writing form that the public cannot see but we can still appreciate the purpose and intention that journaling evokes.

Edited Excerpt:

Another writing form that is used by studio artists is journaling. Journaling, unlike the previous genres is not made for public consumption. Much like diary entries journaling allows for artists to get their thoughts and ideas out on paper so they may be able to develop their thoughts into more interesting and complete ideas. Janelle Krause, a studio artist, says that she journals just for herself. She writes notes, memos, and stories that keep her engaged and thinking about her topic. Krause writes in her sketchbook and does not post the sketchbook pages online, they are, as she said in an interview, just for her (Krause, Personal Interview). Famous artists from the past have also been known to journal. Van Gogh, a very famous French impressionist painter from the late 18oo’s, is now famous for his journal entries. Upon his death in 1890 the artist’s family claimed his belongings including his journals and since that time museums and galleries have coveted the writings as they give a glimpse into the life of the artist (“Vincent Van Gogh Gallery”. Van Gogh wrote notes to himself when starting new pieces, wrote poems of inspiration, sketched smaller versions of his large paintings and denoted his actions and thoughts as he painted (“Publication History”). This genre, because it is not written for the public contains no appeals of credibility or logic but does appeal to emotion. Van Gogh wrote poems, songs, and notes to accompany his many sketches in his journal and every entry was dedicated to a different person much like a letter. Van Gogh’s most famous entry is dedicated to his long-time girlfriend. The entry is a love poem accompanied by a small painting of himself. The poem is inherently emotional as it is dedicated to the love of his life and appeals to the emotions of the reader as they are able to feel the intimacy of the couple’s love third hand. The genre of journaling, though abstract and hard to interpret, is the most intimate form of writing in the art field and appeals to human emotion in a way that no other genre can.

Audience Questions:

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

Here the differences are slightly less obvious. The content is different because it explicitly states the rhetorical device that is used, pathos. This is basically the assignment, literally to talk about the rhetorical device and I didn't have it anywhere. Can you believe that? Additionally, I use more direct and pertinent information concerning Van Gogh's journal entries and I aimed to be less repetitive with pronouns.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Same as the last post really, this paragraph has the in-text citations that are needed in a Standard College Essay. I also aimed to keep my sentence structure more varied to keep the essay from sounding super boring.